Miami Audtions

Welcome to Miami!!!

They did it again. Back story, girl works at a Carnicera (meat market). She was terrible!
“You sound like you are eating when you sing.” I loved that!

I hate when they waste a spot. Caleb! Sure…you can lose a thick accent in a few weeks. He will be gone the first day in Hollywood.

“You became more attractive when you sang.” I agreed with Simon. The pin curls and gold belt was not working for me. She is someone who will definitely excel with the help of a stylist…the entire AI machine.

Another daddy issue girl?!? Dad graduated from rehab program?!? Damn!!! This is too much. Do they have to have one each program?

Julie the American Junior. How do I put this…Twit! ‘nuff said. One more thing, she has to stop watching High School Musical over and over again.

That’s it for tonight.

Favorite line: Use both doors.

(when the 2 plus size girls were leaving the room. Simon typically says “use other door”)

Omaha Auditions

More auditions. This time in Nebraska. Gotta love them.

First up….let me just say, never, ever, ever do a Paula Abdul song. Ever.
Second. Don’t do a Kelly Clarkson song. Never, ever, ever. Ever. Even his voice was annoying. Simon was really nice. Unlike me. I have no tolerance for this. I want to hear singers. Silly me.

The thing I like about this year they show people and you think they are going to be good and then they’re not. You just can’t tell. Of course once you hear them speak you know. Jason Rich is a perfect example. They were nice to let him though. I didn’t think he was good enough. But that’s the beauty…you just never know!

Why was Sara even there? A pure waste of time. Although that is my all time favorite laugh of all time (taken from Lieutenant Dan from Forest Gump). I’m going to practice that (Hear laugh from Forrest Gump below).

I loved Samantha. Great smile, nice voice. My favorite so far. Now here comes bad Joanna. They are going to destroy her in Hollywood. That sweet little twisty girl is going to be long gone soon. They never stay sweet.

Now as I sit here and that I think about it, they are giving more back story to the people that aren’t making it through. The good singers we know very little about. I would say its running 50/50. I want to hear more good singers!!!

Ryan as a judge was terrible. They really need the chemistry. It was even ok with Paula not there. She got there and started acting as loopy as usual.

The girl with daddy issues…ok...even I got a little teary eyed. This show pulls on your heart strings. Damn them!! She was good but for now, just a really good copy of someone else.

I agreed with Simon. The rocker was wordy! Johnnnee use to worrkk onn thee docks. It was slow and over enunciated. But he is a good singer.

I was waiting for the little bubble to show up above Paula once she hiccupped. Don’t gulp your booze, Paula! Who would’ve thought the hiccup was better than that guy’s performance.

I loved Leo Marshall. I am going to follow him and….who was that girl I liked?!? See. That is the problem with the auditions. I love them and then forget them. I can’t wait for Hollywood week.

Speaking of that, just a quick update on the schedule: this week and next week are more auditions. Feb 12th & 13th is Hollywood week. The following week the top 24 perform, boys then girls and we start voting!

Favorite line: You disgusting, little, pig. – say in thick disgusted English accent.

C-ya tomorrow!

Episode $#%##@ - I don't remember anymore!

This is American Idol. Another day…another round of bad auditions.

First up - unemployed afro puff. He is a perfect example of someone who is not as good as he thinks he is. Nowhere close. Time to find a real j-o-b.

Fix your strap!! Just slide it back on your shoulder. Right there! If you are OCD like me….you know exactly what I’m talking about!

Simon was really, really sweet with that brother and sister team. My dog was howling when she hit those note. But it was really sweet of him. That’s what makes this show so great. Everyone in a while…humanity!

Now I liked Aretha (Big Blue). But you had to not look at her. She was extreme. That was similar to what my hair looked like when I left the beauty shop. Of course when I came in today someone asked if I had been running. No *sshole! It’s hard to recreate what the beautician does! But I digress…. She did switch keys and mess up the lyrics. But I chalked that up to nerves. They didn’t like her from jump street. I wouldn’t have included her on the show because it was just awkward.

This city’s auditions are so painful! But look on the bright side…I may find my true love of the LOST message boards.

Favorite lines: I wouldn’t have been surprised if he broke out a magic trick in the middle of that.

PS. I KNOW I'm skimping on the reviews. But they are all so forgetable at the point. I mean look at my post last week. Not San Diego, but last Wednesday. See that person? Do you even remember what song they sung? Case and point. Good night!

San Diego Episode

Again an abbreviated review until Hollywood.

San Diego!!! The second time this week we are on the national stage (let's not talk about Sunday...I am still a little bummed). I hope we represent because I never thought of San Diego as being a place that has good singers???

Simon, as always, was right about Tatiana. She was the first girl and not as good as she thought she was. I know in future clips she will show herself to be obnoxious. It's hard to hide.

Poppy=San Diego. I liked the single dad. Of course he is raising a little thug...but at least he's raising him. Of course that young woman that was with him was grandma. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

The Aussie guy was good.. Where are these people in San Diego?!?

Mariah Carey fan…you know it was going to be bad! Even when she was humming it was even bad! Hummphr. BUT she was the first to get that she is the butt of the joke. Finally!!!

Throat guy was not good enough for the competition. He was just ok. Sympathy! He reminded me of “Trachie” from season 4 (Anthony Federov).

I really liked the last Ireland girl. 37 going to Hollywood!! San Diego got talent!

Favorite Line: I’m 'bout to be big. That says it all. C-ya!

Week One - Season 7

Day One:

I am broken and I should be the next American Idol. The sad sacks (overweight mom (no way. No, no, no, no way you're going to Hollywood), kid with leg braces (mom was talented) and Star Wars girl (she could sing but way too weird); make this show what it is: Great TV!

Welcome to American Idol! So far this season has been great! I love knowing more about the contestants and the judges are definitely nicer. Simon has been the right amount of mean. I’m not going to go into depth about the performances at this point because it’s just too many and too soon. I have just always wondered how friends can let friends audition for American Idol? ESPECIALLY when they know damn well they can’t sing! I think friends that come to the audition should be interviewed too. Unfortunately they would probably be cursing out the camera like the crazies do in their exit video.

All I know as I am psyched!

Favorite line: If you were Columbo, I would Peter Faulk you.

See ya tomorrow!

Day Two:

Beautiful disaster. How do singers pick songs that directly describe how bad they are?!?

Over singing seems to be popular. Simon’s facial expressions have been great. The personal stories (virginity key (who sucked), nail clippings (who was good), Kyra Sedgewick look-alike (car victim-sounded if she was hit by a car DURING the audition), they make it all worth giving up 4 hours of my life a week (5 with blog!).

I liked the Britney impersonator girl (of course Britney cannot sound nearly that well!). You have to listen to her without looking at her because she is stunning. On that note, where the men at! It seems like it may be a lopsided season. Spoke too soon. Just heard the young republican. I too hope he doesn’t pull a Clay Aiken. I liked him he was cute.

Favorite line: It’s a tie!
1) I would sing so well some time, he would say, like I hate you. Not like, you sing so good I hate you. But like, I really hate you.
2) Well they say love is deaf. Love is blind, Simon.

Until next week....cya!